After voting on my Instagram Story, over 70 % of you wanted to hear about all the things that I have learned while being engaged. To top it off I thought I would invite my Fiance, Joseph, to chime in on all the things HE has learned while being engaged. So let’s get started!
Ladies first, right? Here is what I have learned:
- The first thing that I came to realize about being engaged was that it is not all about the ring. Of course, it is fun to celebrate and share the magical moment of him asking for my hand in marriage, but the purpose behind it all is the real showstopper. The fact that we are in a covenant for the rest of our lives and working towards marriage, a family and life long happiness.
- Second, I learned that everything good in life takes time. We chose to have a very long engagement (2 years) to plan our wedding, and the reasoning was so that we could complete our degree program in college. Everything is going according to plan, but it was not a very quick engagement and then you are married turnaround. I personally think a long engagement is more fun because you have time to plan out your wedding, celebrate, save for a first home and grow together.
- You have a new name “Fiance”, for the first few weeks you will be shouting from the rooftops that you are a Fiance now. As the time goes on, you won’t really mind being called girlfriend still, or future wife by others. Fiance is just a label, and that’s that.
- Budgets are born. So for me, I have always been a huge saver my entire life. When thinking about a future together as husband and wife, you will discuss things like how much each of you will be paying for the combined bills (like mortgage, insurance, cable, internet, water, electric etc). Luckily, Joseph and I actually agree on almost all financial decisions and allow ourselves to budget our own spending money to enjoy while breaking down our combined bills.
- Communication is key, especially during the stress of wedding planning. Most women know that the men really do not care about the color of the flowers or what your Invitations look like. While all the hustle and bustle of wedding planning that may be going on, remember to take time for your significant other each day. Ask how their morning or day at work went, and my favorite thing that Joseph and I both say often is “How can I better serve you?”. It is amazing knowing that the other person is there for you no matter what.
- Disagreements do not go away. Once you are engaged, there is no magic love spell that makes you get along perfectly. Like any other couple, you will have bumps along the way.
- Add you ring to your insurance policy, something I did not know about!
- Getting married young has a lot of pros, we will be married in February and do not have any children, which leaves time to travel and enjoy experiences before starting a family.
- You may decide you want a dog, but not agree on which type. Ok, so we both LOVE dogs, but he wants a Belgian Malinois and I was thinking a Golden Retriever, or possibly German Shepherd. We shall see who wins this.
- You will care about the little wedding details that you said you would not. My top priorities for the wedding are my dress, photos and video. His are food (typical) and “me” he says. LOL
- MANY people will offer you wedding advice, so just make sure you take it with a grain of salt, it is your big day not theirs. Although some advice is very helpful, others may not be.
- Lastly, I have learned that life is too short to sweat the small things, you are engaged and going to spend a lifetime with your bestie! Focus on what really matters most, each other.
The Fiance’s Side:
- Don’t Sweat the Little Things – Life is too short to constantly stress about every little thing involving your partner. For as long as you’re certain that you’re spending your entire life with that partner; it is not worth it to sweat the little things. In the past, I would get so worked up over the smallest of details whereas now, I go with the flow! Relationships can get really complicated if you make them that way!
- Accept your Lady for Who She is – There are a whole lotta’ great things about Kayla, might I say. She’s all that and a bag of chips! With that said, nobody is perfect (although she’s pretty dang close); she does have flaws like everyone else. I’ve learned over time that those “flaws” mean almost nothing in the grand scheme of things. In the past, I attempted to change Kayla in one way or another to “better” these flaws; whereas now I’ve learned that if pushed too hard, this can lead to resentment and unhappiness from both parties. If you can learn to accept someone for who they are, you will live a much happier life.
- Love Grows and Changes – The honeymoon phase is great and all, but everyone knows that it doesn’t last forever. Kayla and I have been together nearly 4 years. If you asked me how I love her today, it would be a completely different answer from 3 years ago. Today, I see Kayla as the love of my life, my best friend, my confidant, and the future mother of my children. 3 Years ago I would’ve probably said I love how gorgeous, awesome, and fun she was (These are STILL true!). I can only imagine how my love will grow and change whenever Kayla and I get married and move in together (MAKEUP AND HAIR PRODUCTS EVERYWHERE!! CAN’T WAIT)! When Love grows or changes, it is not a bad thing; it’s simply a part of how things work, and should be completely embraced.
- Support your Woman to the End of the Earth – I will never be the person to stop Kayla from following her dreams. I will always be the person holding her hand the entire way and making those dreams a reality. In Kayla’s first days of blogging and instagraming, she was on the verge of quitting it all together because a full time job and full time college was making her passion near-impossible. This “quitting” phase happened not just once but twice. I’ve always tried to push Kayla to help her become the best she can be. When Kayla’s ambition tells her to photograph 5 different outfits in 5 different locations over a 2 hour time span, I’ll always be the one that helps make it happen (I’m the photographer! Yay!). I will always do my best to support her, endlessly.
- Financial Selfishness Stops Now – Back in the day, I used to love buying Fitness Supplements, Guns, Ammo, Miscellaneous Amazon Items, and whatever else I wanted. At one time, I had a 2014 Ram 1500 Truck with a 5.7 Hemi which I loved dearly (Prior to this, a 2008 Mustang). All that changed shortly after we got engaged. I was struck with the realization that soon, all of this random stuff and money in my bank account would become “our random stuff” and “our money”. I thought it was completely wrong to give my future spouse my debts, when I racked up the debt before we were even married. I traded in my truck to get a 2015 Ford Focus Hatchback (The savings are totally not worth it), in order to save money on a car payment, car insurance, and gas. Also, I stopped buying random stuff (This one took a while, I’ve only started getting 100% serious about this since Fall of 2017). All-in-all, I have tremendously less debt now than I did then and I am so proud to say it. Kayla and I are both on a budget now which limits most frivolous spending. As a side note, I’ll say I am a lot happier having less. Life sure isn’t about material items and buying new stuff each week (Although, I want a truck so bad!).
- Fighting isn’t Fun, but is Sometimes Necessary – I’ll start this by saying that, In general, I suck at communicating. When Kayla and I have fights, sometimes they’re so beyond productive that we both grow from the argument. Usually, this is due to me letting information out that I was holding inside; Kayla then learns these things and can adjust or help me in different ways according to the issues I didn’t communicate until that argument. Other times, when either both or one of us is having a bad day for example, and an argument is started; that argument can be completely completely pointless. We are both passionate about everything, including arguing. When we fight or argue, we almost always grow from it and better ourselves in one way or another.
- Team work makes the Dream work – I don’t always want to consult with Kayla before I make a big decision, but 100% of the time, I should. A partner can feel betrayed if they’re not consulted before their special other asks their opinion first. Many times, when I’ve already made up my mind on something (I am stubborn), I will still at the very least tell Kayla I am doing something before I do it. This may not exactly be Team Work per say, but its the best way to keep both parties on the same page before big decisions. On the other hand, more than once Kayla has shown me the cons of my idea (Whereas I only saw the pros), and then changed my mind on a decision. I will say that I am still guilty of (rarely) making decisions without telling Kayla but I am working on improving this. Engagement, or even marriage, is all about discussing things and communicating 100%. Working together as a Team almost always (if not always) has advantages over working alone.
I hope you guys enjoyed this post, as much as we loved writing it. It was so fun to have Joseph join in the blog post this week, maybe we should have him write more often? Let me know!
Have a wonderful rest of the week!